Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
