I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
