Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
