i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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