i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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