Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
