I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
