Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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