you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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