Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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