he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
