grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
