Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Come on in and take your pants off
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