Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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