I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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