I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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