dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
