I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
