I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
two words: eviction party
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
