I accidentally had phone sex last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
