She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
