Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I deserve this hangover.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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