oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
