I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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