Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
