When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
