if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
