my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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