I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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