my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
