I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
