Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
