I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
