I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
