4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
