I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
