Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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