Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
