Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
