Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
