mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
third nipple confirmed
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
