I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
