She said her name was "party"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am midnight drunk by noon
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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