I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
