it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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