yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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