Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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