you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
