i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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