turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
