I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
