Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
