Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
