He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
